Mary Sue arrives at Hogwarts

from CNN: Hospital seeks Klingon speaker

“There are some cases where we’ve had mental health patients where this was all they would speak,” said the county’s purchasing administrator, Franna Hathaway.

County officials said that obligates them to respond with a Klingon-English interpreter, putting the language of starship Enterprise officer Worf and other Klingon characters on a par with common languages such as Russian and Vietnamese, and less common tongues including Dari and Tongan.

Update: Or not.

Google gives 2910 results for “wretched hive of scum and villainy”.

2004 Oct 24: now “about 6,070”; a disturbing trend.

2006 May 10: now “about 76,100”

I’ve received the first half of the Vance Integral Edition, and it looks swell. The printing is crisp, the binding solid. I had doubts about the new typeface (designed by the instigator of the project, in what seemed an awful hurry), but it looks quite readable though intentionally archaic. My worst disappointment is that the frontispiece drawings – in a delicate style – are spoiled by a grey background. (I’ll have to ask about that.)

Because of software incompatibilities and whatnot, I was not able to contribute much to the project, and — in a fit of depression — asked that my name be removed. Of course I’m still disappointed not to see my name where it ought to be! (I was under the impression that all the volunteers would be listed in each volume. I worked on three short stories: “Green Magic”, in volume 17; “I’ll Build Your Dream Castle” and “Cat Island”, not yet printed.)

This is probably old, but it’s new to me, and a hoot: The Definitive Middle-earth Test

Found in the Archives, a continuing irregular series.

I wrote on 2002 Jan 07:

If I had twins, I’d be tempted to name them Kevin and Eugene (or Melissa and Deborah), rough translations of each other.

And on 2002 Jan 19:

This morning I dreamt I was in a con[vention] hotel and overheard someone’s television. “Gentlemen! You mustn’t fight in the Sun Room!” The Brigadier from Doctor Who said, “Did you hear that, Sergeant Benton?” “Yes sir. But somehow I was expecting something else.” “Same here, though I can’t think why.” —Which of course is a parody of a gag from Cerebus.

There’s a similar gag in Astérix chez les Helvètes.

JoAnne Schmitz relayed this on 2002 Jan 10:

LotR film sequel name-suggestions
Compiled from rec.arts.sf.written, thanks to Simon:

• Merry and Pippin’s Bogus Journey
• There’s Something About Dernhelm
• Dude, Where’s My Ring?
• Frodo Baggins and the Sorcerer’s Ring
• Orcs, Inc.
• Ring’s Nine
• Mission: Impossible III
• Meet the Ringwraiths
• X-Hobbits
• Crouching Ringwraith, Hidden Hobbit
• O Hobbit, Where Art Thou?
• Hobbit Run
• Sauron’s “Angels”
• Mission to Mordor
• What Wizards’s Want
• Orc Ugly
• Battlefield Mordor
• Remember the Hobbits
• Big Sauron’s House
• Dr. S and the Hobbits
• The Truth about Elves and Dwarves
• Saving Private Baggins
• Survivor: Mordor
• Orcz
• The Invisible Hobbit
• Gone with the Ring
• There’s a Troll in my Soup
• Raiders of the Lost Ring
• Strictly Balrog

Straight Dope Message Board – If LotR Had Been Written By Someone Else!? (ten pages so far; I’ve only looked at the first and last, but those are quite good on the whole)

Update: The entries have been more neatly collected elsewhere.