Short Attention Span Blogger vectors this list of airline maintenance log notes, allegedly from Qantas.
Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
Almost replaced left inside main tire.Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
Autoland not installed on this aircraft.Something loose in cockpit
Something tightened in cockpit.Dead bugs on windshield
Live bugs on backorder.Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent
Cannot reproduce problem on ground.Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
Evidence removed.DME volume unbelievably loud
DME volume set to more believable level.Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
That’s what they’re there for!IFF inoperative
IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.Suspected crack in windscreen
Suspect you’re right.Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engined airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
Engine found on right wing after brief search.Aircraft handles funny
Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.Radar hums
Reprogrammed radar with words.Mouse in cockpit.
Cat installed